My Father's Love

A wonderful gift was given to me this year and I have my Heavenly Father to thank for it.

For many years I was searching for my father whom I lost when I was 16. This year, that search has been put to rest. And on this day, I remember him with fondness and honor his memory with this song that is so beautiful. Thank you dad, and Abba Father for your gifts of comfort and grace...

Back To The Seventies

I entered my teen years in the late seventies. A period which one could probably qualify as the golden age of OPM (Original Pilipino Music). It's been raining giant cats and dogs in Manila and I found myself searching for the songs that I used to love as a teener. Here are just a couple of songs that I love to this day...

I love the lyrics of this song and the melody is just as beautiful :)


This next one is a classic that I also never tire listening to, especially on a rainy day.

Are You Raising A Pervert?

All this talk about sex, lies and videotapes hogging the news on a daily basis was enough to get parents like myself paranoid about the values or attitudes we teach our children regarding healthy sexuality.

But how do you protect one's child from being victimized by perverts?

Although there is no fool-proof way I guess it all begins with education, at the right time and the right place, and discussing these issues in the context of love, marriage and a healthy respect for one’s body and the opposite sex.

Discussions such as these best take place in the tween years, before a son or daughter enters the age of puberty, when suddenly all these raging hormones can send them into a tailspin. I remember reading a book during those highly confusing early teen-age years, entitled, “Why I Am I So Miserable If These Are The Best Years of My Life?” written by Andrea Boroff Eagan. Teen-age angst to the max if you judge a book by it’s cover, but it was the classic on puberty in the 1980s and a survival handbook of sorts for young girls like me back then.


Today, there are countless books and websites available to help parents discuss puberty and sexuality issues and topics with their children and adolescents. I did a quick survey over the week-end among parents and a group of 17 and 18 year old young men and women and I was surprised about what I found. Here are some of the more important points that I discovered…



Many mothers (and fathers) from upper and upper-middle class families remain ill-equipped or feel awkward about discussing the issues of puberty with their children. Median age, if and when the subject was discussed was around 11 or 12 years of age, at the onset of menstruation. Some progressive mothers and fathers would often take the lead in discussing topics such as boy-girl relationships, physical and emotional changes, in a casual manner which the children seemed to appreciate very much.

Most of the young people I surveyed (7 out of 10) preferred to hear the discussion regarding “sex and all that” from their parents but suggested that in order for the talks to go smoothly, “The parents must have a close relationship to the child prior to talking about these topics otherwise it will be very awkward.” The young men and women also would have preferred that the parents be open to their questions and not be judgmental in the “I know better, so listen to me, type of way.” It was also important for them that the topic be discussed in private away from the ears of younger siblings.

Current situations, such as a pet dog or cat giving birth, meeting a single mother or father, watching a movie together where relationship issues are being tackled, or even the latest news about the Kho-Belo-Halili scandal can provide teachable moments. In the car the other night, while my husband, 18-year daughter and I were discussing the possibility of stripping Haydn Kho of his medical license because of the un-gentlemanly and dastardly deed he had done, our 10-year old cut into the conversation and asked worriedly, “Are you supposed to be discussing this in front of me?!” We all laughed and told him that yes, he was old enough to hear what we had to say about the issues. Of course the gory details were left out for his 10-year old ears.




4. Conversations regarding puberty and sex are best supplemented by books -- “The Care and Keeping of You - The Body Book for Girls” and “The Feelings Book - the care and keeping of your emotions” published by the American Girl library are excellent resources. “The Pink Locker Society” --http://pinklockersociety.org/ is a new novel and website for tween girls that provides sought-after puberty information within a fictional storyline and plot. Pink Locker is part of the excellent children’s website www.kidshealth.org was recently launched to help young girls understand their bodies and emotions better. The same website has a wealth of information, written both for children and parents on many health topics and issues. For young boys, one of the best books available is “Where Did I Come From?” by Peter Mayle (yes, the famous Peter Mayle) and it is a book that can be read even at the age of nine, or way before any kind of malice (as many little boys are won’t to develop often because of peer pressure) sets in. Mayle has a gift for translating adult experiences into child-level concepts that really make the book a good read. You must be open-minded though and ready to answer your son or daughter’s questions on some of the topics he discusses in the book.




5. Sharing stories about one’s own puberty is better appreciated by girls rather than boys. The girls I surveyed said that as long as their mothers were comfortable and not giddy or queasy, they loved hearing stories of how they were at that age. The boys said they would find hearing those stories from their parents “weird”. Some boys said that maybe a general story would be okay but felt that they would not want the gory details because they might feel embarrassed for their parents.

Many parents are unfortunately still of the mind-set that “if you don’t talk about it, it won’t happen.” Look at your own attitudes regarding sexuality and be careful about what you say and do, because these send signals to your children. Role-modeling and limit setting is just as important when discussing issues such as puberty, sex, love and marriage. Your family’s standards and values system must be made clear to the child, concrete enough for him or her to feel and know it even if he or she is far away from you. The values of respecting one’s body, the avoidance of risk-taking behaviors need to be firmly set in his or her psyche so that in the middle of the cacophony of the temptations -- of power, fame, wealth, sex, drugs and what have you later on, it is something that he or she can grab on to as they stand their ground against a crazy world.

Dinosaurs and Monarch Butterflies - Remembering You, 11 Years Later

I still find myself smiling wistfully everytime I see a new dinosaur book on display at the bookstore. Part of me wants to grab the book, purchase it and bring it home to include it among your things that are kept in a cabinet close to my work desk at home.

Eleven years later, I don't cry as much and I can talk about you now without having to shed a tear, remembering you with smiles more than with sadness. You must be a young man now, all of 15 years old. When I see Cholo who lives across the street from Mama, it's like I see you because you were both born on the same year. I wonder if you still love dinosaurs. I'd like to believe that you do.

I guess you know (and you see clearly from where you are...) that so much has happenned to our family over the last 11 years. How we all have grown individually, hopefully for the better :) Your sister is now about to enter college but she still remembers you and misses you like crazy. She's become one hell of a photographer and I see a lot of you in her very artistic work. She's going to be a doctor someday, and I know that has been influenced greatly by her experience of you.

You see, no matter how many years have gone by, you continue to live on in each one of us. This year we came out with a book that celebrated your memory. "Heaven's Butterfly" has helped countless children, not just here, but overseas as well. Your legacy continues to expand and evolve and though we would have wanted for you to remain with us, I have now begun to see the higher purpose as to why you had to leave us after four years. God's ways are not our ways. Losing you continues to be the most painful experience I have ever gone through but the pain has somehow eased because I am able to share the memory of you in so many ways. There is Migi's Corner, the grief education classes, Griefshare, the book, the kids Good Grief workshops... your loss has not been in vain. Your life continues in every child whose life has been touched by the corners or the stories about you that we have shared. God has truly been faithful.


For the last decade or so, since you've been gone, I've had this strange fascination for the monarch butterfly who every winter flies to the coast of California (specifically in Pacific Grove) to cluster in select groves of eucalyptus and pine where they spend the rest of the winter, snug and safe with other monarchs. Dad and I finally made it there in 2006 and we marveled at the beauty and resiliency of these orange and black winged creatures. It was only a few weeks ago when I read about them and suddenly it all made sense... this fascination for monarchs that I;ve held since you left us. Diane Ackerman writes in "The Rarest of the Rare" --- "They are silent, beautiful, fragile; they are harmless and clean; they are determined; they are graceful...Like the imagination, they dart from one sunlit spot to another. To the Mexicans who call them las palomas, they are the souls of children who died during the past year, fluttering on their way to heaven."

We love you Migs and we miss you. And we will always be connected to those we love no matter the time that has passed. We keep you in our hearts, forever.

Image from "The Dinosaur Day"

Puerto Galera Tragedy Shows Crack in MARINA Policies

I've just returned from the funeral of three family friends.

It's an experience I don't ever want to have to repeat in this lifetime. Every loss has a reason, and one of the things that helps loved ones move on is to be able to find meaning to the loss that has taken place. After my column in PDI came today, I got a deluge of emails regarding the sorry state of the ferry system in Puerto Galera and Batangas. How inefficient the Coast Guard is, and how many anomalies are being perpetrated in the name of profit. It made my heart sink and my stomach sick.

Here is an example of a statement sent to me by the United Seafarers of the Philippines...


Capsizing of Motor Boat Shows Crack in MARINA Policies

The recent capsizing of Motor Banca Commando – 6 in the waters off Puerto Galera in Mindoro in the afternoon of May 23, 2009 where 12 people perished including three kids and one Japanese tourist, has revealed a major crack in the policy of the Maritime Industry Authority (MARINA) on the regulation of operation of motorized bancas and similar wooden-hulled vessels.

Under Republic Act 9295, otherwise known as the Domestic Shipping Development Act of 2004, domestic ship owners and operators are required to undertake a ship modernization program where wooden vessels will no longer be allowed to operate after five years.

Inspite of this specific provision in the law, MARINA still allowed the registration and continued operation of new-built wooden vessels, particularly motorized bancas.

“They should have stopped it dead on its tracks in order to encourage local owners and operators to either build or acquire steel-hulled vessels,” points out Engr. Nelson Ramirez, president of the United Filipino Seafarers (UFS).

“As it turned out, there have been numerous maritime incidents and accidents involving motorized bancas with outriggers since the second half of last year because a good number of these types of vessel do not even have the appropriate navigational and safety equipment onboard,” he cited.

“MARINA is also not helping the law takes its due course with its recent decision to defer the phase-out of wooden-hulled vessels for another five years. Yet before that directive, MARINA Administrator Elena Bautista was announcing to the whole maritime industry that the agency will work on reviving the moribund local shipbuilding industry. How can she encourage local shipbuilders to invest on facilities and technology if she wouldn’t allow the phasing out of wooden-hulled and generally unsafe vessels vis-à-vis those steel-hulled ones?” laments Ramirez.

The UFS president also noted that Puerto Galera is a port where there are already existing operators of steel-hulled vessels. “Why did MARINA allow the continued propagation of wooden-hulled vessels in the same route? Not even content with its own laxity in the rules, MARINA extended the phase-out of these types of vessels to five years. This decision would have been okay if there are still no existing operators of steel-hulled vessels in the area but there are. So such move becomes subject to speculations and suspicion in the industry,” expresses Ramirez.

Ramirez is also bewildered how a motorized banca like MB Commando 6 can have a capacity of 130 persons based on the markings on its hull. “I just don’t know how they were able to arrive at with that figure or who evaluated the vessel strength? Did MARINA allow the owner/operator to put the capacity marking on its hull? If so, why did they allow it? The vessel was carrying 57 passengers, way below its supposed 130-person capacity, yet it capsized. So it appears to be overloaded and that it carried more passengers than it should. The questions are who and why was the owner allowed to bloat its boat capacity?” queries the UFS president.

Immediately after the capsizing of MB Commando – 6, MARINA has suspended the operation of all seven motor bancas of Ylagan Shipping Lines, which owns the ill-fated motorized vessel. The seven motorized bancas will be inspected by MARINA thoroughly while they are under suspension.

“That’s the problem with MARINA as well. They only do the inspection after a maritime disaster. Is it not better if inspections are made regularly to ensure that all passenger crafts are in compliance with existing policies on safety? There should be periodic inspections of all domestic passenger vessels and those that were found to be deficient should be given preventive suspension right away pending their compliance,” Ramirez expressed. (end of statement)

One other email I received, stated the following -- "In batangas no inspections are ever done on bancas. the coast guard personnel that will clear the boat to sail receive 20-50 peso from the owners for each passenger that is in excess of the capacity. this is the same for bancas and roro vessels in batangas. the alledged manifest is either doctored or overlooked, this is common practice in batangas. you can see this on any given day in Batangas pier, even more on weekends.

Even worse is the situation in Sabang and White Beach , Puerta Galera, NO ONE monitors how many passengers are loaded into each banca. Its only coincidental that the accident happened from Batngas as the violations are more blatant from PG where there are no Coast Guard staff at all."


In light of what has happenned, the Eugenio's have pledged to start an advocacy for safer sea travel. As Ramon, Franco's father, so poignantly put it in his eulogy today-- "The Philippines is a beautiful country and many of the memories we have associated with Franco come from travelling throughout the country. Travel as my friend Jeff put it is educational and builds memories for many families. We don't want to tell people - don't travel. What we want to say is, "Make travel safer." Whatever steps the Eugenio's will be able to make to ensure that sea travel becomes safer, if they are able to make a dent and at least stop the culture of greed that seems so prevalent in the MARINA and set into place policies that would lessen if not prevent even more accidents from taking place, then Daisy, Franco and Anton's departure would not have been in vain.