My Father's Love

A wonderful gift was given to me this year and I have my Heavenly Father to thank for it.

For many years I was searching for my father whom I lost when I was 16. This year, that search has been put to rest. And on this day, I remember him with fondness and honor his memory with this song that is so beautiful. Thank you dad, and Abba Father for your gifts of comfort and grace...

Back To The Seventies

I entered my teen years in the late seventies. A period which one could probably qualify as the golden age of OPM (Original Pilipino Music). It's been raining giant cats and dogs in Manila and I found myself searching for the songs that I used to love as a teener. Here are just a couple of songs that I love to this day...

I love the lyrics of this song and the melody is just as beautiful :)


This next one is a classic that I also never tire listening to, especially on a rainy day.

Are You Raising A Pervert?

All this talk about sex, lies and videotapes hogging the news on a daily basis was enough to get parents like myself paranoid about the values or attitudes we teach our children regarding healthy sexuality.

But how do you protect one's child from being victimized by perverts?

Although there is no fool-proof way I guess it all begins with education, at the right time and the right place, and discussing these issues in the context of love, marriage and a healthy respect for one’s body and the opposite sex.

Discussions such as these best take place in the tween years, before a son or daughter enters the age of puberty, when suddenly all these raging hormones can send them into a tailspin. I remember reading a book during those highly confusing early teen-age years, entitled, “Why I Am I So Miserable If These Are The Best Years of My Life?” written by Andrea Boroff Eagan. Teen-age angst to the max if you judge a book by it’s cover, but it was the classic on puberty in the 1980s and a survival handbook of sorts for young girls like me back then.


Today, there are countless books and websites available to help parents discuss puberty and sexuality issues and topics with their children and adolescents. I did a quick survey over the week-end among parents and a group of 17 and 18 year old young men and women and I was surprised about what I found. Here are some of the more important points that I discovered…



Many mothers (and fathers) from upper and upper-middle class families remain ill-equipped or feel awkward about discussing the issues of puberty with their children. Median age, if and when the subject was discussed was around 11 or 12 years of age, at the onset of menstruation. Some progressive mothers and fathers would often take the lead in discussing topics such as boy-girl relationships, physical and emotional changes, in a casual manner which the children seemed to appreciate very much.

Most of the young people I surveyed (7 out of 10) preferred to hear the discussion regarding “sex and all that” from their parents but suggested that in order for the talks to go smoothly, “The parents must have a close relationship to the child prior to talking about these topics otherwise it will be very awkward.” The young men and women also would have preferred that the parents be open to their questions and not be judgmental in the “I know better, so listen to me, type of way.” It was also important for them that the topic be discussed in private away from the ears of younger siblings.

Current situations, such as a pet dog or cat giving birth, meeting a single mother or father, watching a movie together where relationship issues are being tackled, or even the latest news about the Kho-Belo-Halili scandal can provide teachable moments. In the car the other night, while my husband, 18-year daughter and I were discussing the possibility of stripping Haydn Kho of his medical license because of the un-gentlemanly and dastardly deed he had done, our 10-year old cut into the conversation and asked worriedly, “Are you supposed to be discussing this in front of me?!” We all laughed and told him that yes, he was old enough to hear what we had to say about the issues. Of course the gory details were left out for his 10-year old ears.




4. Conversations regarding puberty and sex are best supplemented by books -- “The Care and Keeping of You - The Body Book for Girls” and “The Feelings Book - the care and keeping of your emotions” published by the American Girl library are excellent resources. “The Pink Locker Society” --http://pinklockersociety.org/ is a new novel and website for tween girls that provides sought-after puberty information within a fictional storyline and plot. Pink Locker is part of the excellent children’s website www.kidshealth.org was recently launched to help young girls understand their bodies and emotions better. The same website has a wealth of information, written both for children and parents on many health topics and issues. For young boys, one of the best books available is “Where Did I Come From?” by Peter Mayle (yes, the famous Peter Mayle) and it is a book that can be read even at the age of nine, or way before any kind of malice (as many little boys are won’t to develop often because of peer pressure) sets in. Mayle has a gift for translating adult experiences into child-level concepts that really make the book a good read. You must be open-minded though and ready to answer your son or daughter’s questions on some of the topics he discusses in the book.




5. Sharing stories about one’s own puberty is better appreciated by girls rather than boys. The girls I surveyed said that as long as their mothers were comfortable and not giddy or queasy, they loved hearing stories of how they were at that age. The boys said they would find hearing those stories from their parents “weird”. Some boys said that maybe a general story would be okay but felt that they would not want the gory details because they might feel embarrassed for their parents.

Many parents are unfortunately still of the mind-set that “if you don’t talk about it, it won’t happen.” Look at your own attitudes regarding sexuality and be careful about what you say and do, because these send signals to your children. Role-modeling and limit setting is just as important when discussing issues such as puberty, sex, love and marriage. Your family’s standards and values system must be made clear to the child, concrete enough for him or her to feel and know it even if he or she is far away from you. The values of respecting one’s body, the avoidance of risk-taking behaviors need to be firmly set in his or her psyche so that in the middle of the cacophony of the temptations -- of power, fame, wealth, sex, drugs and what have you later on, it is something that he or she can grab on to as they stand their ground against a crazy world.

Dinosaurs and Monarch Butterflies - Remembering You, 11 Years Later

I still find myself smiling wistfully everytime I see a new dinosaur book on display at the bookstore. Part of me wants to grab the book, purchase it and bring it home to include it among your things that are kept in a cabinet close to my work desk at home.

Eleven years later, I don't cry as much and I can talk about you now without having to shed a tear, remembering you with smiles more than with sadness. You must be a young man now, all of 15 years old. When I see Cholo who lives across the street from Mama, it's like I see you because you were both born on the same year. I wonder if you still love dinosaurs. I'd like to believe that you do.

I guess you know (and you see clearly from where you are...) that so much has happenned to our family over the last 11 years. How we all have grown individually, hopefully for the better :) Your sister is now about to enter college but she still remembers you and misses you like crazy. She's become one hell of a photographer and I see a lot of you in her very artistic work. She's going to be a doctor someday, and I know that has been influenced greatly by her experience of you.

You see, no matter how many years have gone by, you continue to live on in each one of us. This year we came out with a book that celebrated your memory. "Heaven's Butterfly" has helped countless children, not just here, but overseas as well. Your legacy continues to expand and evolve and though we would have wanted for you to remain with us, I have now begun to see the higher purpose as to why you had to leave us after four years. God's ways are not our ways. Losing you continues to be the most painful experience I have ever gone through but the pain has somehow eased because I am able to share the memory of you in so many ways. There is Migi's Corner, the grief education classes, Griefshare, the book, the kids Good Grief workshops... your loss has not been in vain. Your life continues in every child whose life has been touched by the corners or the stories about you that we have shared. God has truly been faithful.


For the last decade or so, since you've been gone, I've had this strange fascination for the monarch butterfly who every winter flies to the coast of California (specifically in Pacific Grove) to cluster in select groves of eucalyptus and pine where they spend the rest of the winter, snug and safe with other monarchs. Dad and I finally made it there in 2006 and we marveled at the beauty and resiliency of these orange and black winged creatures. It was only a few weeks ago when I read about them and suddenly it all made sense... this fascination for monarchs that I;ve held since you left us. Diane Ackerman writes in "The Rarest of the Rare" --- "They are silent, beautiful, fragile; they are harmless and clean; they are determined; they are graceful...Like the imagination, they dart from one sunlit spot to another. To the Mexicans who call them las palomas, they are the souls of children who died during the past year, fluttering on their way to heaven."

We love you Migs and we miss you. And we will always be connected to those we love no matter the time that has passed. We keep you in our hearts, forever.

Image from "The Dinosaur Day"