Homework Help From Expert Moms

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it…” The biblical proverb on childhood discipline applies not only to the manner by which we raise and discipline our children but also in the way that we inculcate in them life-long study habits.

Larcy Morales de Castro is a hands-on, full-time, mother of nine children. Yes, you read that right – nine. Her children’s ages range from 23 to five years old. If the proof is in the pudding, de Castro who is married to a heart surgeon, can proudly say that she has baked all nine pies, close to perfection. The nine de Castro children all excel in either academics, sports or music; some of them in all three. Three children in college have chosen to take the path of medicine, one of them in the prestigious Intarmed program at the U.P. ; one child has great talent in computer graphics and design; another is a soccer star; one child is a gifted musical wizard and the four youngest girls do exceptionally well in the elementary and pre-school levels.

De Castro says that she started going fully hands-on with homework beginning with child number six. “In the beginning, the babies came one after another and so it was really difficult for me to tutor them all at the same time,” she recalls. The two eldest boys were sent to tutorial centers for the early years, but the two older girls were personally taught by their mother until the second grade. “After that, they were on their own,” de Castro relates. She explains that as they were growing up, she saw a big difference in the learning process of those who went to the tutorial centers versus those she chose to teach at home. “When you sit down and spend time with them, you are able to see up close what is that they really need and whether they are able to understand the lessons. You can also adjust your methods to the skills and capabilities of each child,” she explains. De Castro stresses that she doesn’t spoon-feed the kids and allows them to learn on their own, explore and develop at their own pace. She emphasizes that study time should be fun and relaxing so that the kids will look forward to it. She also adds that parents must invest in the early years, ideally up to the second grade, and after that they can slowly let go.

The sentiment is echoed by Joyce Santos, an engineer by training and profession, who opted to quit her full-time job once she started having children. Nowadays, her afternoons are fully devoted to sons Enzo, 13 and Theo, 8. Santos has been able to put her engineering skills to use when she sits down to do homework with Theo whose method of learning is highly visual. The engineer-mom, creatively, and painstakingly draws each and every lesson for him because she knows that this is the best way for him to learn. She structures his lessons in such a manner where the skills she learned in college by graphing and tabulating some of the more complicated subject matters. “It’s the younger one now that I need to supervise because the oloder one already knows how to study on his own so I don’t have to worry about him.” The two boys though, study together with mom. “Role-modelling is also very important,” Santos says.

Cardiologist Peachy Agunod Cheng, is another firm believer in starting good study skills early. Eldest son, Adriel, 14 is a consistent Dean’s lister at the Philippine Science High School which was also his mother’s high school alma mater. Cheng says that in the early years, a parent should try to encourage a love for reading and math, as well as good study habits.
“ I would sit beside him and make him try to do the homework by himself. When I see he has not yet fully understood the concept or the lesson to be able to do the homework with ease, I teach him step by step and give him practice exercises, then still make him do the homework by himself. Then we check it together, then I explain the mistakes.”

Like De Castro, Cheng believes that children need to be rested and relaxed before they start studying. “Let them take merienda and allow them to rest a little before they plough into their studies,” she says. In the Cheng home, TV is restricted to 30minutes on weekdays and only when all the school work is finished. Cheng explains that the study routine needs to be set early in life – “When the daily routine gets followed, the child will take it for granted that studying/ doing homework is something he should do - like eating, playing and sleeping. There won't be a need to "force" the child anymore to begin homework.”

All three moms believe that incentives are a good thing as well – whether is is additional TV time, or some other fun activities, rewards can be a good thing when used discreetly and judiciously. Below are some tips to help parents make homework time less stress-free…

1. Santos says that a photocopier at home would be a very good investment. “Nowadays, there are 4 in-1 printers that can do all ythe work,” she says. If it is within the family budget, get one to save on time andf money by not having to photocopy worksheets outside or hand-write each and every exercise down.

2. Home-school collaboration is also key to the learning process and de Castro says it helps to keep in touch with the teacher and school to be fully aware of what is being taught in school, the homework given, and future projects to be submitted. De Castro is grateful that the PAREF school system strongly emphasizes and supports the value of home-school collaboration. “Make sure you have the telephone numbers of your co-parents and your child’s teacher, on-hand.”Keep in close contact with co-parents and class parent officers to get updates with homework and exams and form your own support system.

3. Cheng emphasizes on ensuring that the child has rested and taken merienda before he does his homework. A sentiment strongly echoed by Santos and de Castro who add that homework time should not be too close to bedtime either because children do not think and work efficiently when they are sleepy. Cheng says an hour’s break for merienda, to freshen up and laze around is sufficient. “Give them a 15-break also in between lessons or subjects, “ she suggests. Santos makes her boys go to the bathroom before she sits them down, “That way, they are already done with their business and they can focus on the work on hand.”

4. Have a good study area, with good ventilation and lighting, that is set up away from the TV and from other distractions. De Castro says that some children are inspired when there is light classical music playing in the background. “Find out what enhances your child’s learning, or what enhances their concentration and support them by playing that kind of music at home.” Santos has her son’s desk face an area where there are no distractions. ‘When he’s done with his work, he goes plays with his Lego toys.”

5. Buy textbooks in the same grade-vel as your child that are used by other good schools. At the start of the schoolyear, Santos purchased books used at the Ateneo and La Salle and she uses the worksheets there during homework time. “Sometimes the hard part is in thinking of questions or exercises for the kids to answer. The task is made easier by using those in other textbooks. It’s the same lesson anyway, but the exercises are different so this technique will save you some time and effort as well.” Santos uses a lot of visual aids that she draws herself (she’s an engineer after all!) and says that with children whose learning process is of the visual type, this mathod of teaching is most helpful. “You must know your child’s learning style and adjust your teaching method to it.”

6. De Castro buys school supplies and art materials ahead of time so that she doesn’t get harrassed when they are needed. “I buy magazines from places like Booksale – titles like National Geographic and airline magazines are a staple because they have very good photos that can be used for projects.” When they have good quality materials, they are more eager to work on the project and they are very proud of their work afterwards.

7. Cheng plays a game with her younger daughter to help her focus and concentrate on the work. “She likes princesses and fairy tales and I draw a girl, a castle, a ball gown and a tiara, and connect these wth dashed lines. Then I tell her, the princess is relying on her to help her find her tiara and gown, and go to the castle. If my daughter is good with her lessons, the princess will be in time for her ball. Each correct answer connects two dashes together, until the line is completed leading to the castle. Before you know it, the homework is done.” This is a good technique to use with children below the age of six as it holds their attention.

8. For math, teach the concept first. Like for addition and subtraction, have marbles or objects ready for counting when you add/ take away from, then show how many you have finally. When the concept is grasped, you can then teach the shortcuts, maybe even memorize certain answers. De Castro says that she has found flashcards to be very helpful too.

9. It is important for moms to know when to take a break. De Castro says that when she starts to feel tired she calls a time-out. “Usually 20 minutes is sufficient. If you feel you’re about to get cranky, stand up, stretch and give all of yourselves a break.”

At the end of the day, homework time and learning has to be a fun exercise for both the parent and child. “A child is a child and not a learning machine,” Cheng says. “Children will need their playtime, and a lot of love from their family. A happy child will always be capable of learning more. With a loving family, good study habits, and an inquisitive mind, the possibilities for any child will be endless,” she closes.

For My Daughter On Her 18th Birthday

Dearest Pea,

I write this in the quiet of an early Tuesday morning while the house is still rest of you lie in deep slumber. All around me as I tap away on the laptop, are various photographs of you through the years.

I cannot believe how time has flown so quickly! It’s as if I had just turned around and the 18 years have gone by. I can fully relate to that scene in
”Father of the Bride” where Steve Martin looks at his daughter, all grown up but instead sees her as a precocious five year old. To this day I remember the early mornings when you would not let us sleep until the sun would peep over the horizon because you were such a colicky baby! Those times when I would pick you up from school and we would hie off to the bookstore and spend hours and hours just reading…And tomorrow, you turn eighteen..

As a parent, you have moments of self-doubt, and ask yourself if you have done right by your children. It is a question that nags at you every now and then. Some of those apprehensions were answered the other night as you crawled underneath the covers and lay beside me just like you used to when you were a little girl. As we reminisced your your colorful, and sometimes wacky childhood, my heart was filled with peace. You cannot begin to understand what a relief it was for me to know that you have so many warm, happy and fuzzy memories over the last 18 years to take with you wherever you go. I am grateful that we had a lot of time to spend together during those crucial and formative growing up years. Years that we can never bring back. My heart overflows with contentment in knowing that we have given you a treasure trove full of precious memories.

Yesterday, someone asked me if I also had the experience of having to go through the turbulent teens with you. I couldn’t quite understand the question at first, and she explained it by saying that one of her friends had told her that the teen-age years were perhaps purposefully created to be turbulent so that when the time comes for the parent to let go, it will be easier to do so. Hmmmm. I told her, that just wasn’t the case with us. She paused for a moment and said that I was one blessed mama. Right then and there thanked the Lord for being with us all those years, for filling you with His grace, and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, for never giving us any grief at all during your teen-age years!

I cannot begin to thank the Lord enough for blessing us with such a wonderful, sensitive and responsible daughter. You, and your brothers, have been our greatest blessings. The last few weeks have been pretty “emo” for me, realizing that you are now almost 18, soon to enter college and how in maybe a decade or so, you will start building a life of your own. One morning in the car, after Leo and I had dropped you off at school, tears started to trickle as it dawned on me how this would be the last few months when you and he would be riding together in the car in the mornings. After 14 years of driving through the same route, with the same passengers… Then again, it could have been my hormones too.

Letting go has always been very difficult for me, you know that. But by God’s grace I know in my heart that when the time comes for us to do so, fully, He will give us the strength that we need. For now, you have a whole new adventure ahead of you and I am really excited! Remember that we are always here to love and support you as go and pursue your dreams and life’s mission.

Thank you for being such a good daughter and a wonderful sister to your brothers. My heart overflows with pride and joy when I remember all the times that you have been there for the family. I hope you realize and value the importance of love, of home and of always being there for one another. We will have our “off” days and our misunderstandings but I pray and trust that when those days come, as they do, with God’s help, we will always find a way to mend, heal and forgive one another.

I am so proud of what you have become, how you have worked so hard to get to where you are. Now, more than ever, you will need to seek the Lord’s guidance as you embark on this new phase in your life. Consult the Lord and let him take the wheel, like that favorite song of yours goes. You will never go wrong when you allow Him to steer your course and be in His flow. Be it is in the area of work, family, or relationships – pray for guidance always so that it will be easy and you, and in doing so, spare yourself from major heartbreak. He has imbued you with an extraordinary mind, a generous heart, discernment and kindness – use these gifts well at all times to lift others up and to be of service to everyone around you.

God is faithful and I’d like to think that in His goodness and wisdom He has put in you the best that is of me and daddy. Use your talents wisely and never forget to bring the glory back to HIM, for apart from HIM we really are nothing. May you always remain grounded and constantly guard your heart. Remain humble and steadfast and sensible.

I love you very much and thank the Lord for the gift of you. You are not only my daughter, but now that you are grown, you have become the best friend of my heart as well. But like my mother before me, and any other mother for that matter, no matter how old you become, you will always be my child and I will be there for you no matter what.

Happy, Blessed Birthday!

Love, hugs and prayers always,

Mommy

Meeting Hannah!

It has been a most blessed week-end!

The ventilator and other essential supplies that Hannah badly needed finally arrived in Manila early last week. Yesterday, January 24, 2009 - Rapa Lopa, Menchu Sarmiento and myself, trooped to Las Pinas to deliver two balikbayan boxes containing the ventilator and other essential supplies, to Hannah, Carlo and Joan Cordoviz.

To say that the moment was golden would be an understatement. As we shared laughter, joy and tears (of gratefulness) we could not help but think of everyone who helped us get to this day.

Foremost in those thoughts was Tessa, in far-away Atlanta, Georgia who found the generous distributor who gave us a discount that was nothing short of a miracle. It was Tessa who also did her share of fund-raising, and coordinated the purchase, packing and shipping (with big help from Aileen Deogracias in L.A.) of the boxes that was flown here by Philippine Airlines.

Thank you to each and everyone of you who gave so generously last year so that we could get to this day. The Cordoviz couple gave Rapa and I specially made frames to remember this endeavor and this time in our lives. Receiving those specially crafted frames brought tears to our eyes. But it was seeing Hannah laugh, smile, clap and wave that was the true reward. We wish you could all have been there to witness that special moment.

Below are links to a video that Rapa created and an album that I put up on Multiply to help us remember this journey and inspire us all to continue to pay it forward.

http://rapalopa.multiply.com/video/item/25

http://cathybabao.multiply.com/photos/album/105/Meeting_Hannah_

Though rough times lie ahead for many, may this endeavor remind us all that with faith, hope and love, HE makes all things possible.

God bless and once again, thank you so much from the bottom of our hearts!

Michelle Obama, Real Woman with Real Style

Cathy Horyn of the New York Times talks about Michelle Obama's practical but vigorously stylish selection of clothes on the biggest day of her life. Great pictures accompany this brief narrative.

What I'd like to know is what kind of work-out she indulges in to get such toned arms!

Barack and Michelle Obama, At Last

At each of the ten inaugural balls, the first couple danced to this beautiful song by Etta Jones. Oh how they look at each other... And when you listen to the lyrics...awwwww.


At Last Lyrics by Etta James

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song
Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you
I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known
Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last



Photo by Doug Mills for the New York Times

Study: 1 in 5 teens send nude pics - INQUIRER.net, Philippine News for Filipinos

Link

Meliton Garcia, Unsung U.P. Hero

It's stories like those of Meliton Garcia, the retired University of the Philippines janitor who received only 92 centavos for his retirement pay after 40 years of service that makes my day.

Nikko Dizon's front-page story in today's issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer was based on an email account of Mike Rivera, a UP graduate whose future was made possible by the heroism of men like Mang Meliton. It was heartbreaking to read how the UP HR Department had been so insensitive of his request for an explanation of the 501 days of sick leave he had allegedly incurred over his 41 years of service at the U.P. Mang Meliton whose years of dedicated service to the university had earned him 12 commendation letters says that he had also written the Civil Service Commission to ask for assistance but got none from that agency either. So sad and frustrating!

When you think about it, it's people like Mang Meliton who make the lives of students and teachers better on campus. And now, even as a retiree, Mang Meliton continues to tend his little herb garden on the UP Campus, sans compensation. What an inspiring story, a shining example of what has been written in the Bible -- "Work as unto the Lord." And perhaps, owing to space constraints, the PDI article failed to include the portion in the email that wrote about how Mang Meliton continues to help make ends meet. I reprint portions of Rivera's email here...

A few weeks ago, a friend and UP Professor, Daki, told me that Mang Mel recently recorded an album which he sells to supplement his meager retirement pay, I asked another friend, Blaise, who's taking his Master's degree at UP to find out how we could contact Mang Mel...

Mang Mel is not asking for a dole out, though I know he will be thankful for any assistance you can give. So I ask those of you who also benefited from Mang Meliton's goodness or for those who simply wish to share your blessings, please do visit Mang Mel and buy his CD (P350 only) at No. 16-A, Block 1, Pook Ricarte, U.P. Campus, Diliman, Quezon City (behind UP International House) or contact his daughter Kit V. Zamora at 0916-4058104.

In addition to getting his sick leaves finally properly accounted for, it would be wonderful if everyone whose lives Mang Meliton has touched - UP students, faculty members, his co-workers -- would help him by supporting his musical pursuits in this, the twilight of his life.

First Love, The McDonald's Philippines 2009 TV Ad

Next to Karen and her lolo, this Mc Donald's Philippines ad is such a heartbreaker.

The lead actor is actually the nephew of a very good friend of mine. I had spotted him at a party last November and immediately saw the star material. Little was I to know that two months later he would be in a major ad on Philippine television. Here's to greater blessings in 2009, G!

Am I A Fireman Yet?

I received this from my good friend Alya who knows that once in a while I like emptying out my tearducts because it's good for the heart and soul. Before you begin to read this, make sure you have tissues on hand...


In Phoenix , Arizona , a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son,
who was dying of terminal leukemia.
Although her heart was filled with sadness,
she also had a strong feeling of determination.
Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow up & fulfill all his dreams.
Now that was no longer possible.
The leukemia would see to that.
But she still wanted her son's dream to come true.

She took her son' s hand and asked,
'Billy, did you ever think about what you wanted to be once you grew up?
Did you ever dream and wish what you would do with your life?'
' Mommy, I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.'
Mom smiled back and said,
'Let's see if we can make your wish come true.'
Later that day she went to her local fire Department in Phoenix , Arizona ,
where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix.
She explained her son's final wish and asked if it might be possible
to give her 6 year-old son a ride around the block on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said,
'Look, we can do better than that.
If you'll have your son ready at seven o'clock Wednesday morning,
we'll make him an honorary Fireman for the whole day.
He can come down to the fire station, eat with us,
go out on all the fire calls, the whole nine yards!
And if you'll give us his sizes,
we'll get a real fire uniform for him,
with a real fire hat - not a toy -- one-with the emblem of the PhoenixFire Department on it,
a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.'
'They're all manufactured right here in Phoenix ,
so we can get them fast.'



Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy,
dressed him in his uniform
and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck.
Billy got to sit on the back of the truck
and help steer it back to the fire station.
He was in heaven.
There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day
and Billy got to go out on all three calls.
He rode in the different fire engines,
the Paramedic's' van,
and even the fire chief's car.
He was also videotaped for the local news program.
Having his dream come true,
with all the love and attention that was lavished upon him,
so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically.
The head nurse, who believed in the hospice concept - that no oneshould die alone,
began to call the family members to the hospital.
Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman,
so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible
to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as hemade his transition.
The chief replied, 'We can do better than that.
We'll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favor?
When you hear the sirens screaming
and see the lights flashing,
will you announce over the PA system that there is not a fire?'
'It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time.
And will you open the window to his room?'

About five minutes later,
a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital
and extended its ladder up to Billy's third floor open window--------
16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room.
With his mother's permission,
they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him.


With his dying breath,
Billy looked up at the fire chief and said,
'Chief, am I really a fireman now?'
'Billy, you are, and The Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,' thechief said
With those words, Billy smiled and said,
'I know, He's been holding my hand all day,
and the angels have been singing.'
And with that, Billy closed his eyes one last time.

We Are So BLUE!!! :)

Praise God!

Yes, we made it! P is now officially an incoming Freshman to the Ateneo de Manila University! I cannot begin to tell you what a relief it was for me, for her dad and of course for P, to see her name up there on the board. And she got into her first choice -- B.S. Health Sciences. It looks like we are going to have a doctor in our future.

Thank God for HIS faithfulness, his love, provisions and HIS goodness all the time!
Thank you to her mentors, her tutors, who helped hone and prepare her for examination day. And thank you for the prayers of so many who lifted her up and brought her to this day.

The moment was bittersweet way because a lot of her other good friends did not make it. As one of her wise, good friends put it -- "You are so happy for yourself but a part of you cries because you wish they were happy and jumping around too."

The moment we saw her name on the list was simply, golden. We could not help but shed tears. Remembering all the troubles we have had, her health problems, the journey we have taken to get to this day. I also cried because I could not help but be awed and humbled by the promises of God. His faithfulness and constancy and how He has blessed us with this wonderful gift.

As we Ateneans like to put it -- Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam -- all for the greater glory of God. We are here today, solely because of His grace. All that we have, and all that will be, come from Him.

For my Multiply contacts, pictures of the big day to be uploaded tomorrow. Right now, I am just so happy but tired from the events of the last two days. Mama can finally exhale :)

Are we going to be BLUE?

The Ateneo College Entrance Test Results will be posted tomorrow, January 10, 2009 at 8AM at the Blue Eagle gym in Loyola Heights. The online version can be checked a few hours later, around 10AM through this link. Right now the site is still down and I suspect that the Office of Admissions and Aid is busy uploading the list of the new Freshmen for 2009-2010.

Last night, rather morning, I went yo bed at 2AM in anticipation of the UPCAT results that never were. Though the website said initially that results were going to be out on January 9, 2009, apparently, there's been a miscomm somewhere and the online results will be out on January 19th thereabouts.

My husband and I are both eagles so you can imagine what our hopes and dreams are. Then again, I've told P time and again that wherever God places you will be fine with us. She has already, by God's grace, clinched a spot in the Intarmed course at DLSU, tomorrow, I wonder if we will get a shot at being at blue...figuratively, that is.

It's in HIS hands. Tomorrow, we find out. God bless us all!

Breakfast

Once in a while, usually at the beginning of a new week, I like to hie off by myself, early in the morning, after I've brought the kids to school, to a quiet place where I can be alone with my thoughts.

I love finding these coffee places, especially the ones where there aren't too many people, where I can be with my books and my papers and watch the world quietly go by. Funny but at midlife I find that I have become a "breakfast person". I no longer enjoy going out at night, except for the occasional dinner with the hubz, with family or with dear old girlfriends. Then again...even dinner with the girls has now become a morning affair. When the kids are all off at school, the mommies are free to roam, and laugh and talk until it's time to be mommy and wife, again.

There is something about solitude that helps you connect with yourself, and with God. Whether it is in a cafe, or on a long hike through the village, something about the quiet and the solitude that helps you keep the balance.

Life is much simpler now, but it is sweeter and more peaceful. The other day, I was with a girlfriend, a colleague from media who told me she was done with going up the corporate ladder "ladder to where?" she said in jest. Even regret or grief over the loss of some relationships is put into perspective. My friend T, put it perfectly when she said -- "regret should be the realization that we should move on and better ourselves." Enjoy the time together for what it was. When conflict comes, it either makes you stronger or breaks you apart. When one chooses to take a different path, you initally balk but a few years later you realize and understand that the path she or he took was perhaps where they were really meant to be or where they had aspired to be from the very start. You see how your worlds today have become so vastly different, your values, poles apart, and that you have evolved into different people, and how this new self would certainly, no longer fit into the current world of the other and vice versa. Whether you meet again at some point in the road remains to be seen. Otherwise, leave it at that and let it be a lovely memory of who you once were and how that person became a crucial part of your metamorphosis into who you have become today.

Nowadays, all I long for is enough work to keep us comfy, the blessing and the company of family and trusted friends, watching my children grow up, trips to places we've dreamed and read about, once in a while, an exceptionally good meal, an afternoon at the spa, a quiet evening in bed curled up with a book or engaged in a good movie or TV series, an advocacy to help ease another's pain. Simple pleasures...

Blessings are made of these.

Review: Benjamin Button - Love Unbound By Time And Space

Brad Pitt (left) stars as Benjamin Button and Cate Blanchett (right) stars as Daisy in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." Warner Bros. Pictures and Paramount Pictures Present A Kennedy/Marshall Production A David Fincher Film "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" starring Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Taraji P. Henson, Julia Ormond, Jason Flemyng, Elias Koteas and Tilda Swinton. The film was directed by David Fincher from a screenplay by Eric Roth. Screen story by Eric Roth and Robin Swicord from the short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The film is produced by Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall and Ceán Chaffin.
Photo by Merrick Morton

We all hope and pray to find an unconditional love that lasts forever. IS this at all possible? "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" is a lovely, lyrical film that tackles and masterfully handles the universal themes of love, loss and the old adage that "time waits for no one."

H and I had the blessing of catching the film's premiere at the Gateway Cinemas the other night and two days later, I am still stewing thoughts of this beautiful film in my head. Many of the lessons and the scenes in this movie resonated with me on many, many levels.

The movie, written by Eric Roth ("Forrest Gump") was based on a short story written by F. Scott Fitzgerald in the 1920s as part of his Jazz Age series about a man born in his eighties and ages backwards. Whereas the original Benjamin Button was born and lived in Baltimore, Maryland; the film version has him "born under unusual circumstances" in vibrant New Orleans at the end of World War I and takes him all the way into the 21st century -- the movie is narrated from the point of view of Benjamin (Pitt) as read from his diary by a woman at mid-life (Julia Ormond) to her mother (Blanchett) who is in the last days of her life in a hospital bed while Hurricane Katrina rages outside her hospital room window. Ben Button's journey talks about the people and places he has met along the way, the loves he finds and loses, the joy, the pain of loss, and what lasts beyond time.

Through the telling of his story, we imbibe the value of learning to enjoy those brief wonderful periods when they come, and allowing them to disappear when they must. Benjamin Button knows from the earliest days of his life that regret is useless and that forgiveness is a virtue that must come naturally. In one beautiful scene with his father (who had abandoned him at birth) he says something to this effect -- "When life lets us down and we are deeply disappointed and hurt, we can either complain about it and carry it with us forever, or we can just choose to let go." My eyes teared at this heart-rending scene that was oh-so-beautifully shot by the famous Lake Ponchartrain in New Orleans as the sun was about to rise.

The movie is a wonderful lesson for anyone (myself included) who has ever lived with momentary regret, seemingly broken dreams and missed opportunities. In a letter addressed to the daughter he never saw grow up, Button admonishes her -- "I hope you're proud of who you've become, and if not, I hope you have the strength to start all over." Bulls-eye.

Though the film is two hours and 45 minutes long, the time, pardon the pun, will just fly by. Makes sure to eat and go to the potty before you sit down and catch this visual feast so that you do not miss anything.


And of course there is Brad Pitt. Those who want to see this film to catch him in all his gorgeousness will have to wait for about an hour before he finally begins to resemble his to-die-for 44-year old self. Joe Morgenstern, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist for the Wall Street Journal says this of Pitt -- Not until he grows 15 years younger and she grows 15 years older, however, are they right for each other physically as well as spiritually. "My God," Daisy (Blanchett) says at one point in their mid-40s, "look at you -- you're perfect." It's a charming laugh line, since he has finally emerged as a fully recognizable Brad Pitt. And what a remarkable presence the actor is, not just during that golden era but before and after, when he has only his voice and eyes with which to fashion Ben's character while the wonders of digital technology and age-confounding makeup provide his body and face.

The entire movie is a visionary piece with sumptuous cinematography, art direction and production design that will have you in awe of all the details! They just don't make movies like this anymore... thank God they finally did. Technically excellent, employing the wonders of digital effects with acting so subdued but powerful just the same. It was the type of movie that I did not want to end. The dialogue was just amazing, I wanted to scribble down every quotable quote that I could remember. Leave room for no regret, sieze the moment and love unconditionally -- beautiful reminders to live by at the beginning of a new year that promises infinite possibilities.

"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" opens in Manila tomorrow, January 8, 2009

Twelve Midlife Books For 2009 - Part Two

The Possession by Annie Ernaux

Bestselling French author Ernaux has built her career on rendering almost every aspect of a woman's experience, from the hidden contours of her marriage to the indelible loss of her mother, with unsparing honesty and insight. Her latest novella is an excruciatingly frank -- and spot-on -- portrait of romantic jealousy in midlife. Ernaux's take on obsession will stay with you long after you zip through these 62 razor-sharp pages. -- Dawn Raffel

The Heart of Mentoring by David Stoddard

Author David Stoddard has discovered that in mentoring, giving often involves receiving, and receiving involves giving. By sharing your life with others, you will help them develop their values and priorities--not with a rigid formula or agenda, but in the natural course of a meaningful relationship.
In The Heart of Mentoring, you will see that sharing your life with others is the most rewarding gift you can give--and the most satisfying gift you can receive.

The Extraordinary Healing Power of Ordinary Things by Larry Dossey, M.D.

Holistic physician Dossey examines the potential power of 14 readily accessible sources of well-being, providing a strong case for utilizing such remedies before more extreme measures. His expansive discourse on optimism, forgetting, music, miracles, plants, risk taking and other "simple" things makes clear that, while these are hardly "simple" when fully appreciated, often they are undervalued or completely ignored by the mainstream medical community, which turns to high-tech procedures and worst-case scenarios as a first resort. According to Dossey (Reinventing Medicine), a nearly single-minded clinical focus has obscured patients' interpretation of their own experiences, leaving out important clues about how people heal. He provides numerous examples of those who have discovered "spontaneous healing," which most physicians discount or downplay because they defy explanation. Despite the title, this is not a step-by-step guide to accessing the healing power of home remedies. Instead, Dossey takes readers on a poetic, well-researched journey into the many paradoxes that are inherent in the human condition and how they relate to healing the body, mind and soul.

What You Can Change…and What You Can’t by Martin E.P. Seligman, Ph.D.

Psychologist Seligman ( Learned Optimism ) here examines common psychological disorders according to their biological and societal, or learned, components. Most enlightening are his analyses of the effectiveness of relaxation, meditation, psychoanalysis and cognitive therapies in the treatment of anxiety, which, along with depression and anger, he claims, can largely be controlled by disciplined effort. Maintaining that dieting will not help people who are overweight ("Weight is in large part genetic"), the author urges a focus on fitness and health; asserting that a child's psyche heals faster than an adult's, he observes that childhood trauma does not necessarily shape one's adult life: "the rest of the tapestry is not determined by what has been woven before." Direct, instructive and nonreductive, Seligman's observations and theories are positive, realistic and sound. (Publisher’s Weekly)

The Basque History of the World: The Story of a Nation by Mark Kurlansky

"The Basque history of the World" is a beautiful informative book about what it is to be Basque in a world that has not been able to understand our way of life. Most countries want to expand, and to create empires. Basques did not and do not want to expand. This different point of view is not well understood by people who believe there is something strange in a group of people who have traveled all over the world, who have been among the first to go and help conquer the new world, but who have never really wanted to broaden their borders. Mark Kurlansky's attempt to try and explain the rationale of Basque people is commendable. (from Amazon.com)

Faith, Healing and Miracles by Frederic Flach, M.D. KHS

Throughout the ages, people everywhere have prayed for miracles, witnessed miracles, and have been helped by miracles themselves. What is behind the mystery of miracles? Where do miracles come from? We all know of the miracles in the Hebrew Bible, the many miracles of Jesus Christ, and the apparitions of the Virgin Mary from Lourdes to Fatima. But do miracles still occur? Can a miracle happen to us in the here and now? We speak of the "miracles of modern medicine" but can prayer, faith and Providence heal the body as well as the soul? Now in Faith, Healing, and Miracles, a world-renowned physician and psychiatrist examines the mystery of miracles from ages long past to the new millennium. Following the questions raised in his bestselling book The Secret Strength of Angels: 7 Virtues to Live By, Dr. Frederic Flach once again will enlighten and inspire readers everywhere with this insightful look at miracles. Join him as he reflects on the history, nature and power of miracles to help and heal us in our times of need. From Moses and the parting of the Red Sea to a foxhole on Okinawa, from the raising of Lazarus to a cancer ward in New York, from a cripple cured at Lourdes to Lance Armstrong's amazing victory, miracles have always been with us. In Faith, Healing, and Miracles, Dr. Flach shows us all how prayer, angels, trust in God, and the power of faith can help overcome helplessness and guide us to physical, mental and spiritual well-being.

A Father's Loss - John Travolta's Grief

Irregardless of whether his son Jett had autism or not is no longer the question.

A son is dead, and John and Kelly Travolta's life will forever be changed by it. How devastating and sad to start the year on a very sad note. It will be a long process for them. I do not know how Scientology deals with matters of loss or if they believe in eternal life at all.

My heart grieves for the loss of their son. One of the most comprehensive reports I have read on Jett's death appears on The Huffington Post. The account includes a video of the family taken in Paris only a few weeks ago. They seemed so happy and you can see that John was a very loving father, especially to Jett. How life can change in the blink of an eye.

Our prayers go their family at this very difficult period. I pray that in God's time they will be able to use this experience to become even better people and improve the lives of others.

Photo above from www.travolta.com

Moving Forward

I was up early today. The lovely Manila weather entices one to curl up in bed with a good book or sneak in another few hours of precious shut-eye. Not me. After some quiet time, I headed straight for my laptop to check on the latest in the world.

Suddenly I found myself momentarily melancholic. A new year can sometimes do that to you. And then I stumbled upon some things online that made me wistful...no, not on a new year, please. And so I went on to read my younger friends blogs and found this --

"A mark of a good year is not the absence of pain but the presence of learning." Written by a very wise and insightful 25 year old. Someone, almost 20 years younger than me.

I was so grateful to have "stumbled" on her musings because it really ministered to my heart and the cloud of gloom lifted. Just like that.

It's wonderful how God speaks to us in many ways. There is so much that we can learn from the younger ones that we "wise and busy" midlife adults sometimes forget. Oh how my heart has been blessed this morning. Yes, it was a painful year in more ways than one, but the learnings that have come with it are priceless. Though I still grieve over the seeming loss of someone dear to me, I continue to pray that in time all will be well. In God's perfect time.

My wise 25 year old friend who had left Manila for a new life with her family in L.A. writes -- I became aware of what paralyzed me was also the time that made me feel incredibly Malaya (free). I now look back and feel embarrassed that a whole lot of the loneliness and bitterness I felt when I first moved here were caused by, er….myself. It will always be different from home, but until when will it feel different? I would have to eventually cross that boundary. I cannot be stuck on the other side forever.

Much of the loneliness we really bring upon ourselves. When you lose someone or something, or a dream is shattered, you grieve. And then you move on and re-invest in life, that's what it is all about. I teach this all the time and yet, when I find myself having to go through it again I still struggle...but I know that God doesn't make mistakes and I believe that He allows these voids to take place because He wants to teach us compassion, to make us better healers and to remind us that He is enough to fill in the gap -- more than enough.

So Lord, I thank you for your faithfulness. Help me to understand and move me forward. There is so much to look forward to this 2009. I pray that you expand my boundaries and relationships so that I can be of better service, and that I live a life that is pleasing to you. And at the end of each day, may I always remember to bring you back all the glory because it belongs to you alone.

Thank you Dags, for your wisdom and your funny ways. Happy Sunday :)

*Books for 2009 Part 2 will be posted later...

Twelve Books For Midlife Reading In 2009

Books are a huge part of my life and my "clutter".

When I saw Virginia Woolf's home in "The Hours" filled with books all over the place, I could so relate to that. Thus, To put some semblance of order into my cluttered reading list (I like going through three-four books at a time, taking forever to finish! Right now it's an Obama biography, a book on running and a memoir...) I've decided to pledge to completely finish one book a month and put together this reading list for 2009. Some of the books are already on my shelf (half of them are, actually) the others, I still have to purchase. Some are new, some published a few years ago.

"Tell me what you read and I'll tell you who you are..." Below is my 2009 selection which more or less is a reflection of my interests, currently, at this point in time. I've included brief reviews that I culled from various sources throughout the worldwide web.

The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan

We earn our livings and raise our children, but our parents continue to shape us. So when are we really grown-ups? Kelly Corrigan, 40, answers that question in her insightful, often funny memoir about surviving breast cancer only to find that her adored father has been diagnosed with cancer too.







Outliers: The story of Successs by Malcolm Gladwell

Malcolm Gladwell poses a more provocative question in Outliers: why do some people succeed, living remarkably productive and impactful lives, while so many more never reach their potential? Challenging our cherished belief of the "self-made man," he makes the democratic assertion that superstars don't arise out of nowhere, propelled by genius and talent: "they are invariably the beneficiaries of hidden advantages and extraordinary opportunities and cultural legacies that allow them to learn and work hard and make sense of the world in ways others cannot." Examining the lives of outliers from Mozart to Bill Gates, he builds a convincing case for how successful people rise on a tide of advantages, "some deserved, some not, some earned, some just plain lucky."

Prayerwalk by Janet McHenry


Life today is busy and full of demands, and often the very things that are vital to daily life, such as prayer and exercise, are moved to the bottom of the priority list. In PrayerWalk Janet shows how to connect the sacred act of prayer with the everyday act of walking. Three years ago, depressed and overweight, McHenry found a simple plan for her life: she would pray while she walked. Little did she know, it would change her life personally and open her eyes to the needs of her community. Mc Henry says -- "Prayer walking is not an easy way to 'take care of prayer' while you get good exercise. It is a call to spend rich time with God, carrying others' loads. The walking is only a means to make it all happen."

Why Good Things Happen To Good People by Stephen Post, Ph.D. and Jill Neimark

“Stephen Post and Jill Neimark make the scientific case for generosity eloquently, humanely, and compellingly. This book meets Nietzsche’s criterion for good philosophy: ‘Change your life!’”
—Martin E. P. Seligman, PhD, Fox Leadership Professor of Psychology, University of Pennsylvania, and author of Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment

“Stephen Post and Jill Neimark have brought together the main findings from the new science of genuine love and translated them into helpful, practical advice that the reader can easily apply. Those who take this book to heart will surely make their lives better, and will help to make the world a better place as well.”

—Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, PhD, professor of psychology, Claremont Graduate University, and author of Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women by Gail McMeekin

Sparked by her long search for inspiration in her life and work, Gail McMeekin has worked closely with some of today's most highly creative women for her one-of-a-kind guide to maximizing creative energy. "For many women," she writes, "breaking free of our societal and psychological chains is a prerequisite to truly creating a life that expresses our genuineness and uniqueness."
The dynamic women sharing their secrets for the first time include Sarah Ban Breathnach, who channeled her creativity into the book she was "born to write" (the best-selling Simple Abundance); interior designer Chris Madden; and software tycoon Brenda Laurel. From interviews and conversations, McMeekin distilled the common themes in these innovators' lives and work into practices any woman can use.

Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri

In these eight exquisitely detailed stories, Pulitzer Prize-winner Lahiri lights on private moments of sadness that come in the aftermath of painful family conflicts. In "A Choice of Accommodations," Lahiri writes refreshingly about an aging body: A man puts his hands on his wife's hips, "over the stretch marks that were like inlaid streaks of mother-of-pearl that would never fade, whose brilliance spoke only for the body's decay." Subtle and wise, Lahiri captures a universal yearning. -- Carmela Ciuraru

To be continued...