My Father's Blueprint

"Has someone seen the life I planned? It seems it's been misplaced. I've looked in every corner. It's lost without a trace..." ~ Beth Moore~From the poem: "The Life I Planned "

Like every young and idealistic woman out of college, I once believed in "happily ever after."

In the same breath, my 1986 college yearbook write-up had Luke 22:42-43 for it's opening verse "Father, if it is your will, take this cup away from me; yet not my will but yours be done." I went to the best Jesuit university in the country and theology was very much a part of my four years in college. In a way, it is what supposedly set us apart -- we were trained to become men and women for others. Theology back then was something we learned in our heads and not yet truly lived in our hearts.



Fast forward twenty years later -- did I really live up to the "dynamic and daring woman of the 80s" I was touted to be back then? Not quite, I guess. The latter part of the 80s and 90s for me were a time of searching, and growing and having my "happily ever after" shattered many times over. A couple of years after college I was crazy in love with someone whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life and raise bright and healthy children with. Unknown to me at that point in time, God had other plans. My agenda wasn't exactly attuned with HIS agenda for me. And so that dream did not come to be and my plans of spending forever with this person were derailed by circumstances that could give some of today's drama series a run for their money.

Through this major heartbreak I got to know the Father more and the Theology that I had learned as an impressionable young adult in college suddenly began to come alive for me slowly, but surely, in that decade. In the 90s I found love again and marriage and children soon followed - not in the way that I had exactly planned it to be, but in the way that God wanted my life to unfold - according to His purpose and plan. At the tail-end of that decade, in losing my son, I lived through every mother's nightmare and yet through the experience, I found my life's purpose. Helping people manage their grief and working closely with other sick children and their parents wasn't part of my life's original blueprint. But in that same decade, Jeremiah 29:11 became my life's verse -- "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. Plans to give you hope and a future." It was then I decided to turn over the blueprint of my life to the Master Architect for He knows what is best for me.

Yes, many of the things I had hoped for two decades ago did not quite turn out the way I would have wanted it to. However, God in looking back now, I would not want it any other way. The Lord in His love and infinite wisdom has reasons for everything - yes, even the death of my son. Yet, God equips us long before He uses us to complete His mission for us here on earth. Two things remain true from that college write-up - the optimistic nature and the golden pen. The last five years of my life have been a period of tremendous growth in all areas - mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And because HE is a gracious and loving Father He brought into fruition dreams that were only nurtured in my heart and did not dare speak about - working for the country's biggest newspaper, a study grant at Harvard, a national award, two posts as Editor in chief - God gave me all these within a span of five years, what more can I ask for? I fully recognize that everything comes from Him and what He has given me, He can just as easily take away. The golden pen, if one must call it that, is a definitely a gift from my Father that needs to be used to bring glory to His name and to help uplift the lives of others. "Lord when I speak and when I write, let them see YOU." And the optimism that I have for life remains steady and bright because of all the comfort that God has showered me with through all these years. Now, entering the second half of my life, I have committed to serve Him even more and really live a life that is pleasing and honoring to Him. A time to follow where He leads, to give back, to mentor and to share.

So today as I wrote this I asked myself - do I still believe in happy endings? Yes, they do exist, in HIS time and in accordance with my Father's plans.

How about you? Have you turned over your life's blueprint to HIM?

"Throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." - Hebrews 12 :1-3