Portrait of a Marriage

"A reporter once asked me, Mrs. Graham have you ever considered divorce? Without hesitation I responded, "Nor sir, never... murder frequently, but divorce never."
- Ruth Bell Graham

This week, roomie H and I joined a really enriching Bible study called "A Biblical Portrait of Marriage" by noted Christian author and speaker Bruce Wilkinson. The six part series covers diverse topics such as sex to spirituality, from in-laws to God's laws where Dr. Wilkinson addresses couples at every level of maturity and happiness.

We were a group of about ten couples in varying stages of married life ranging from 43 years to 10 years. There was so much H and I picked up from Tuesday night's session - both from the lesson itself and from the wisdom of the many couples around us. Majority, if not, all of us have had years when our marriages went through turbulent seas - "to hell and back" - and yet, through Divine intervention, we remain married to the same person we pledged to spend forever with. As my pastor said that night - "Thre is no marriage that is too damaged that is beyond the reach of God." Of course he was quick to add that spousal abuse such as wife battery, is an exception, and when one finds herself in that kind of situation, it would be best to get out of the situation and allow God to do His work on the hearts of the people involved. I've recommended this series to several of my close friends though I also in jest, tell them that it's not a course I would have dreamed of taking five years back. Back then, I was still stubborn and bull-headed, and still searching for some parts of myself. Roomie and I were different people then, and our lives have taken many twists and turns. Today, our relationship is on it's second wind, so to speak, and I continue to praise and thank God for the many changes he has allowed to take place in both our hearts. Truly, it is ONLY the Lord who can change people's hearts and no one is beyond His grace and reach, so long as we are open to receiving His blessings and walk in obedience to Him.

The series is broken down into six sessions. The first meeting talked about LEAVING - leaving your parents physically, emotionally, financially, is crucial to every marriage. Session 2 talked about CLEAVING - the biblical injunction on leaving and cleaving for the husband and wife to be one flesh. Session 3 called the HEAD session and session 4 HELPER examines the roles of the married couple. The husband is to be the head of the family and the wife is to be the helpmeet to the husband to give him all that he needs to exercise his role biblically and responsibly.
Session 5 talks about LOVE and finally, session 6 SUBMISSION provides insights on the responsibilities of both husband and wife on how each may obey the biblical command to love and to submit to one another as in the relationship between Christ and the church.

Let me share with you the basic learnings H and I got from the CLEAVING session. Cleaving, by the way, as defined, means "to adhere, cling or stick" but also means "to split". My girlfriend ans I were teasing, as Ruth Bell Graham says at the start of this entry, that when your spouse really gets on your nerves, your tendency would be not to cleave, but rather, to aim for the cleaver!

Below are the five Biblical Principles for Cleaving, that to be honest, I continue to try to learn and practice, each day of my married life. The principles apply to both men and women of course.

1. Cleaving to your spouse above all others is your responsibility. How do you do this? a. By choosing to forsake all competing relationships. b. By choosing to reorder all competing priorities. c. By choosing to cleave regardless of your spouse's response (puera lang sa bugbugan...or other abusive acts)

2. Cleaving becomes stronger the more areas of your life you share together.
I agree that solitude is good even among married couples but too much is also a bad thing and that is when you begin to drift apart.

3. Cleaving refuses to allow anything to damage your relationships -- a. When a habit irritates, choose mercy; b. When a hindrance frustrates, choose grace; c. When a hurt grieves, choose forgiveness. These are of course, easier said than done, theoretically, ang ganda, but when it comes to the practical day to day stuff, you need to remind yourself over and over again that these are the choices you need to make to make it work.

4. Cleaving includes your relationship of "one flesh"
a. Enjoy your relationship through sexual intimacy
b. Protect your relationship through moral purity.
Now I've seen so many marriages go out the window because of problems in this area. Often the problem really goes deep into the childhood experience of the person. I remember how Terri Hatcher bravely admitted on t.v. how she only had sex with her husband once a year and that's why she remembers the day that her daughter was conceived. The same is true with men. Most philanderers are very damaged inside, they cure the emptiness and the hurt, through their escapades. That is why, in situations such as these, a great amount of prayer, self-introspection and therapy is needed.

5. Cleaving requires total commitment to honor your marriage covenant. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate..."

A marriage CAN enter into a second wind if both parties are willing and open to the changes that need to take place - individually, as a couple, and as a family. People have often come up to me to ask why I share my life openly. My simple answer is this - if I am able to save someone because that person has read about something I went through, then the pain of the experience is worth it. Rick Warren says that in "The Purpose Driven Life" -- your most painful experiences is where your mission lies. No experience, in other words, is wasted in the eyes of the Lord. Using it to bring back the glory to Him makes every step of the journey well worth it.

Link : The Purpose Driven Woman